


There Are Flowers in My Lungs for You

by simbascrawls



Category: Ben 10 Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because Ben Won't Talk About His Feelings, Choking On Flowers Happens, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, None Of Ben's Relationships End Up Right, Pining, Rook Doesn't Realize He Has Them, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, they need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8698726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simbascrawls/pseuds/simbascrawls
Summary: It started with a blooming warmth in his chest when Rook smiled at him. Simple, warm, honest. The feeling spread through him from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes. Like sunlight. Then the flowers bloomed and they blossomed too fast for his chest to contain them, for his lungs to capture them. Vines grew and choked off the words lodged in his throat. It was beautiful, but it hurt.What was that saying about flowers and thorns?





	1. Petals from Parted Lips

* * *

 

 _Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love. Symptoms are the vomiting and coughing of flowers and flower petals._  
_In order for the patient to fully recover, their love must be returned. It is important to note that this disease is, in fact, lethal._  
_If the flowers are allowed to continually grow, they will ultimately cut off the air to the patient's lungs causing death from asphyxiation._  
_The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals._  
_Memory loss of the person who was the receiver of these feelings is not uncommon._  
_This is strictly a human-based disease._

* * *

 

Every flower has its thorns. That was what his mother had told him once, Ben's pretty sure. He hadn't been paying attention at the time and had been too busy with other things. Boundless energy beneath his skin bursting forth having made it very difficult for him to stay in one place for long. Maybe that was why his parents had been so ready that summer for him to be off with his grandpa. Really, that was besides the point, but looking back now... Ben can't help thinking that maybe he should have listened more. Maybe then he would know more of what to do and how to react.

He had known what Hanahaki Disease was for a long time. When he had been in school it had been a hard topic to avoid. There was always talk about who had been seen with petals falling from their lips, what color the flowers were, and who was dealing with getting them removed. The words had buzzed around him like angry bees trying to prick away at his skin. So many times he had also been asked if he had felt the earthy taste of flowers and petals blossoming from his mouth yet. His answer had remained no.

During the summer even Gwen had brought it up, had talked about who was talking to who and who was in love with who. She had asked him about and he had simply ignored her while turning up the volume of his Sumo Slammers game. Then, the omnitrix had happened and the topic seemed to drift into the background... until he had met Kevin.

That was the first time Ben had ever felt his heart flutter the way it had. It was the first time he had ever been drawn to someone in such a way.

But it didn't last. Maybe that was for the best, all things considered. To this day, he can still recall with perfectly clarity the pain that he had felt with that betrayal... and he knew, somehow, that it would be something that he would become so accustomed to. And he had been right. The feeling of betrayal was an ever present presence in the back of his throat. It ate away at him and made his saliva taste like bile and sick that slipped back down to his stomach to rot him from the inside out. Even from such a young age, he had wondered if the bitter and earthy taste of flowers and unrequited love would be better.

He's still not sure how he would answer that question.

At the very least, he had gained the confidence to tell Gwen about his secret. At the very least, she had accepted him just as he was between the bickering and the fighting. Because through all of that, deep down, they were still as close as siblings after all the hell they had gone through together.

After Kevin, it had been Kai. There had been no flowers blooming to greet her from his parted lips as he did his damnedest to impress her. He had felt sick, as though a fist had gone straight through his gut when reality had set in with that. She had only liked him for what she thought he might be, for who she thought he might be and what he could potentially do. That had cracked open parts of his chest that had taken blood and bone to heal. Still, no flowers bloomed, but somehow an echo of feelings stubbornly remained.

When Kevin stepped back in, so had his feelings. Yet, he could see it in Gwen's eyes and he could see it in the other teen's. He could feel it inside his own bones between the twists of different DNA after putting the omnitrix back on. For her, for them, he had stepped aside. He had said nothing. He had let them be happy while he was alone. Then his first encounter with the flowers had happened. They twisted up his throat like a beautiful sickness and somehow, he did find solace in how they looked. For so long, that was all he did.

As more and more flowers had risen, it soon became impossible to hide and Gwen pried at him. She wanted to know. Concern had shown in her eyes and shame curled inside his chest. Ben knew what would happen if he spoke the truth. It was evident in everything around him and he simply couldn't let that happen. Hadn't Grandpa Max always told him not to be selfish? That he was suppose to have responsibilities? This had to have been one of them. Gwen was his cousin and he cared for her deeply. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and despite how aggravating Kevin could be... he was a good guy, or at least Ben knew he would take care of her.

That was the first time Ben had lied to Gwen and the first time he had the flowers removed.

There had been no flowers for Julie, not at first. At first he had been able to hold her close and press his forehead to her's with a surety he had never experienced before that. His heart and sped up when he saw her. Beautiful was the word that would constantly come to mind the moment he saw the shine of the sun through her midnight hair or the way that his chest felt warm when he held her hand. Looking back on it now, he knows that he loved her. Even without the flowers, he knows this because despite everything and despite all that has been said... he remembers. He remembers the flowers starting to suddenly spill over his tongue one night during dinner.

Alarms had blared through him, tearing a white hot path through his thoughts and whatever he had been about to say. It had been completely forgotten within an instant as he raced from the dinning room and to his own with his parents voices following. They rarely had dinner together. For him to interrupt would not make them happy. That hadn't been his concern. His concern had been on the lone flower he coughed up his throat and into the palms of his hands. A single, white flower with crumpled petals that fell between his shaking fingers.

Perhaps he should have known the moment that it had happened. He hadn't loved anyone else.

_I finally have a boyfriend who puts me first._

The words were like a brand in his mind. Hot, burning, and cruel in how it seared itself into his memories and into his thoughts. Ben had always tried to put her first whenever he could. Guilt had gripped his chest and he taste the acidity of shame at the back of his throat mixing with the then familiar taste of metals and earth. He needed to leave. To go somewhere away from there, but that hadn't been an option. Almost immediately after both Julie and her new friend --- her new  _boyfriend_ had been in danger. Despite the saliva stained flowers he had left on the ground, he still had a job to do. And he had done it, he had saved them.. then Gwen had helped him with the aftermath. Only then was he able to find some sort of peace in getting those flowers removed as well.

He wished his body was normal. Then maybe he wouldn't remember loving her despite having lost the feelings. It makes the pain more real.

After that, there had been Kai. He had always been told that the third time was the charm, but he knows now that the saying is wrong. He should have learned his lesson the first time around. Ben knows that now, but he didn't then. He had thought that maybe something would be different. Maybe something would go better despite his battered heart, no matter the lack of old loves for it to cling to emotionally. It had conspired with his mind to do it mentally. Still, he had hoped, however naive that might have been.

She was the same as she had been then. Looking to him for what he could do and not once for who he was. She clung to what he could change into, attention glued to the aliens that he could change into and not him. Never him. He was simply the second half of the prize that she really wanted. From that, there was no way that she could truly love him. It was just as Looma and Attea had fought over his alien forms, but they had not fought over him. There was no love in that.

Those flowers tasted just as sour as Julie's had, but at least they weren't tinged with betrayal. Instead, they held the salt and bite of lies resting between their petals. Having them removed made it feel like he could finally breathe properly. He never again wanted to fall in love. It never went right for him. It only ever lead to pain which still scarred his memories even if the emotions had decayed like dying flowers pulled from his ribcage. Really, he should learn to never say never. The impossible found him on a daily basis so of course the universe would deem something else to be appropriate because then...

Then there was Rook.

Meeting Rook had been unwanted, liking him had been unintended, growing close to him had been unexpected, but loving him... loving him was unforgettable.

Ben was want to reject him immediately, to shy away from any who might come close after so much pain. After the feeling of loneliness that overcame him as Gwen and Kevin had left him on his own. Back then, he had convinced himself that it was for the best. Solo meant less worry and concern. It would only be his own ass that he would be watching. It would be quiet between him and his grief struck between every smile and loud word that bloomed forth from his mouth in place of the flowers that once filled it to the brim, but he had fallen all too quickly. His heart made haste from his chest to rest itself comfortably within Rook's palm where he prayed that he would be blessed enough for once as to not have it shattered.

All Rook had to do was smile at him that one time and the flowers bloomed, a petal to fall from parted lips and gasps of air to quicken in pace. He had fallen before he knew it and now he and his soul were wrapped in vines with lilies and daises and daffodils sprouting from his throat. It was only a matter of time.

"--en?"

His fate had been sealed before he had even known.

"Ben?"

_"Ben!?"_

Snapping from his thoughts, green eyes in tandem with the flowers which loved to pour from his lungs snapped to Rook's face. His fur was the same deep hue was a the blossoms that had dragged themselves from his stomach last night. It was something he couldn't stop himself from noticing.

"Huh? What is it, Rook?"

"You seem to have been unable to hear me."

"Sorry, partner, was lost in thought, what's ---"

Ben can hear the concern in his voice, could recognize it blind folded. It laces in with his words and sticking to the vowels somewhat in such a way that it highlights his habit of never using a contraction. It's how he knows something is amiss. It's how he finds himself sitting up straighter in the seat that he is in. The fact that they are at Mr. Smoothie doesn't matter. He is immediately on alert, but he need not be cause just as he shifts, the multi-colored petals fall to the ground -- save for the few nestled in Rook's palm. The are tinted in color and he goes from alert to alarm almost instantaneously upon seeing them. How could he have spaced out that badly!?

Rook steps closer, the worry creasing his face beneath the markings of his fur. "You coughed these up as you were 'lost in thought' and I am worried. Is it not abnormal for humans to cough up vegetation?"

A laugh leaves him, nearly choking on the end as he feels the garden in his stomach twist and attempt to strangle the one within his lungs.

"Don't worry Rook, it's a human thing. It'll pass. It's not life threatening or anything."

It's not a total lie, he tells himself. Ben knows it has the potential to become fatal, he knows this well. But just this once, he doesn't want to have flowers ripped from his sternum and emotions along with them. Just once, he wants to bask in the warm of the sunlight and as Rook looks at him and his convincing slowly eases him with promises to get checked out later and by a strictly human physician --- he feels as though the sun's beam is directly on him at the same time the ground begins to shake and trouble makes itself known. Before he has a chance to take a breath or to stand, he can taste the bitter pang of iron slither it's way up his throat.

As Rook rushes into action, Ben finds himself heaving over the ground and struggling to breathe. He's let the flowers grow for too long. He knows this, but he doesn't stop it as roses battle their way up his throat with the help of coughing that leaves red droplets of blood splattering the cement. They don't come up one at a time, but several all at once in a painful and slow scrape along the insides of his throat leaving him feeling raw and hot tears blurring his eyes. Whatever threat there is, it is far away and everything sounds like it's coming through a long, winding tunnel.

When the roses finally splatter to the ground, Ben thinks at first that they are red before realizing with a gut wrenching twist of his insides that they were, in fact, originally white. Their stems and thorns are knotted together into a clumping ball and he forces himself to his feet. He doesn't register Rook's gaze on him, he doesn't notice much at all before he's dialing in an alien in hopes that his throat will heal as quickly as he usually does. If he tried to talk now it would not end well.

He avoids stepping on the roses all the same as he joins in on the fight.

What was that saying about flowers and thorns, again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rook is very concerned.
> 
> I originally intended for this to be one whole big single chapter, but then I kind of got ahead of myself so instead it's going to end up being more. Probably only two or three at most. Anyway, I hope you liked this and the pain that it has brought me, I'll be writing more soon with a lot more dialogue and Rook and Ben interacting and hope you also enjoy that!


	2. Flowers For Who

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a garden fit for a bride growing in his chest, a garden fit for the grim reaper in his lungs. Each bloom is warm and bright, but beautiful things can be deadly. Yet he can't let go. His hands are clinging to the roots wrapped around his throat. Why would he let go when it seems like it's all he has?
> 
> Ironic how a noose made from a flower crown can still look pretty even as it hangs you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to get worse before they get better.

By the time the fight had finished, Ben was more than prepared to forget about the flowers. His throat felt scrapped clean. It was as though the thorns had dug up every possible word that he ever could have attempted to speak in regards to his feelings, dragging them from his lips in the form of the red that stained the concrete by the table that they had vacated. Ben knew that wasn't the case, however. Those words were already lost to him, lodged somewhere between the ever present garden growing in his chest and trying to strangle him to death.

  
What words could he possibly hope to use?

  
They all fell short and when grass green eyes caught onto the sight of his partner, transfixed beneath the pretend that he played, anything he might have said dried up on his tongue. Where could there be hope of feelings being returned? How could he scrape out his own insides and present his battered heart to the man he trusted with his very life, but wasn't sure if his heart was safe in his grasp?

  
He was fairly certain that the flowers were doing a good enough job of scraping him clean from the inside out, he thought bitterly.

  
This scene had been played too many times for his liking already, he didn't want to suffer it again. It would be simpler just to get the flowers removed... but he couldn't. Not this time. He couldn't bring himself to lose the warmth that filled him whenever he managed to make Rook laugh or when Rook pulled the sound from his own chest. The heart-fluttering fondness he felt when his partner did something so very... Rook-like.

  
Ben had fallen in too deeply, too quickly, he knows. By the time he had realized it, he was already prepared to drown in his own hellish garden of roses.

  
Because really, what better way to go than choking on the taste of his own unrequited love as it suffocated him?

  
His voice is a ringing sound through the quiet after the fight as he de-transforms with a wide grin on his face, pressing his voice out in such a way that the gravel undercoating it hopefully sounds like it was only from the struggle. The last thing he needs is Rook too look too closely into the flowers. Not that there is much hope there either. Ben knows him well enough at this point that as soon as that the other has a chance then he will dig into the illness himself. Then there will be questions pouring from him that Ben is unprepared to answer unless he wishes to blatantly lie. Or fall back on straight up avoidance.

  
It's going to be worse than Alien X or Feedback. He's just going to call that now.

  
"You'd think they would learn eventually not to mess with us." He's laughing, but he doesn't feel it. It's like an echo inside the hollow chamber his chest feels like despite the dandelions pressing harshly into his ribcage.

  
Rook doesn't say anything, just looking at him as he slips his proto-tool onto his back. Ben can feel the jangle of his nerves as he runs a hand through his hair, eyes drifting only for a split second to the overturned table that once held onto the smoothies they had been enjoying. He's not nearly as bummed as he wishes he was. If he was then it would mean that his stomach isn't churning like the crashing waves of a sea, as though he jumped through something at warp speed and there's no ground beneath his feet to snatch for leverage.

  
"Think we have time to run off and get some chili fries before Grandpa or someone tries to call us back? Never stays peaceful for too long." Fighting to fill the quite, fighting so that Rook can't ask the questions that Ben can read in the spaces between his muscles and the how his eyes are locked on him. He still hasn't said anything when Ben stops his movements to stand in front of him.

  
One tick of the seconds go by, then two, then three...

  
Ben's smile finally falters.

  
Rook finally speaks.

  
"Ben, you are obviously ill. I believe that given your connection with the omnitrix and the transformations that you should speak with a specialist at the plumber base, not be indulging in chili fries."  
There's that tone in his voice that Ben can recognize. He knows it, feels it in his bones and he doesn't like. Despite that, he presses the smile onto his face even harder. Letting it slip simply isn't an option. He knows that his alien forms are affected when he's sick, he's experienced it first hand, but he can't get checked out. If he did then they'll want to remove the flowers and he can't let that happen. He can't rip the roots out from his heart again, even if they are tying tight around his neck like a noose. Their grip gets tighter with every passing day, hour, minute. It's as thought he can feel the tendrils caressing the flesh of his throat as they squeeze the life out of him.

  
No, it's not an option. Not this time.

  
He can't lose this. He can't. He's lost so much already, given up so much and been so selfless. Isn't that what Max taught him? Isn't that what had been drilled into his head? All those times that he had wanted something and been a kid with a watch that could do more than most people would ever hope for. He remembered acutely every scolding for being a child and having fun with the omnitrix, of needing to use it for important things only. Ben hated being selfish, hated that so many people saw him as that despite all he poured into what he could do. He'd learned to put on a joking front, one filled with confidence and defiance and reckless bravery he didn't always feel.

 

He'd only been a scared little kid when this all had started.

  
At least let him keep this, at least let him hold onto this slice of sunshine. Even if it meant it would drag him to his grave. Let him be selfish. Just this once. That's all he wants.

  
"You worry too much, Rook." Ben's laugh comes with his words to slide down his own back in an odd sense of how wrong the tone is even to his own ears. It's off somehow that he doesn't know how to place or correct. His armor is cracked in a way that really only Gwen has seen the full extent of for years and Kevin has had glances at. He allows himself to wonder for a brief moment if Rook is aware that he wears armor around the most vulnerable parts of himself at all. Or if all he sees is what Ben tries to portray to the rest of the world.

  
A hero.

  
Someone who is brave and confident and someone who could never take anything too seriously. Just a boy-hero who has a watch and supposedly relies on it too much when he's picked up plenty of things from Gwen and others on how to fight his own battles. He just chooses to keep those lessons to himself, using them instead to protect his fragile insides. He tries to portray someone who cannot be bothered by the opinions of others, knowing he comes off as arrogant and in some things he knows he is, but he has stared death in the face from the age of ten. It's impossible to stop that from molding you.

  
He's smarter than they often give him credit for, better at acting than most people think. Ben has known how to swallow his fear or he will choke on it, like stones, since that first summer. Sports are what he enjoys more than reading, but that doesn't mean he's dumb, though he has been told by those who realize that he still sells himself short. Still, he lets people believe it. Maybe that would be better. Just let them see what they want to see and mold his image around that.

  
How much has Rook glimpsed through the cracks so far? The teen acknowledges that this is why he hadn't wanted a new partner.

 

"It's a thing that all humans get at some point. Think of it as a badge of honor. Like growing your first beard!"

  
Ben imagines that he can see where the crinkles would be in Rook's brow if the fur did not soften the lines even as he does begin coaxing Rook to walk with him to the truck, criminal in tow. "I fail to see what this has to do with the growth of facial hair or a badge that you may or may not wear. Neither of them seem to pose a threat to your health or cause a human to expel foreign objects, specifically flowers."

 

"It's just an expression, dude, but I'm serious, it's nothing for you to get all worked up over."

  
Rook is silent as he gets the criminal into the car and Ben has to swallow the lump in his throat. He's not entirely sure if it's a flower or his own heart. He's not sure which would be preferable.

 

Especially when the truck doors are slammed shut with just a bit more force than is truly necessary. Ben fights the instinct to flinch despite how it jolts up his spine, making him nearly jump out of his skin when Rook's hand lands upon his shoulder. The garden growing inside him springs even further to life, like he can feel vines starting to spread so that they wrap around his joints and freeze him in place.

  
"I do not like seeing you in pain, Ben. Do not be stubborn about this."

  
"I'm not being stubborn!" His frustration is starting to creep in over his skin, helping to add to the tiredness lurking just beneath his usually vibrant eyes. Before he can stop himself and against his better judgement, but following easily in line with his typical impulsiveness that everyone witnesses ---- he shoves Rook's hand away. Everything in him is keenly aware of when the contact disconnects. "You're just overreacting. It's nothing and I have to go."

  
Retreat. The impulse his blazing through him, bright as a supernova. His shoulder burns where Rook touched him as he backs away and turns to leave. Fingers are already beginning to fumble with the omnitrix out of habit as he can feel his vision blurring already. XLR8 is his best bet at getting as far away from the situation right now as he can. It's odd because running away, quitting, has never been something he would allow himself to do. Not really. There was too much riding on him. Here, however, it's not quitting even if he is running.

  
Before he can input anything, before he can transform, Rook's hand shoots out to grab his arm and turns him around. Ben tries to hide how the back of his eyes prickle sharply, but from the expression his eyes meet -- his partner's already seen.

  
It's like a lightning strike straight through Ben's system and they both freeze as Rook actually looks even closer at Ben. Simply confirming all the signs of fatigue that he had already seen and witness during their time together. It has only been getting worse, Ben trying to pretend like everything is fine.

  
Rook obviously isn't going to let that go on any longer.

  
"Ben. I saw." His face softens, shoulders sagging in almost defeat, but hard set of his jaw says otherwise. A blend of contradictions that he usually leaves to Ben. This isn't the first time that he has tried to talk to the hero about whether or not he might be feeling unwell. There have been many attempts before and yes, Ben recalls them all. This is simply the only time that Rook has seen the flowers and where they have come from. "You need treatment."

  
Something in Rook's voice gives Ben pause. It's like the cracking you'd never expect to hear from something so sturdy; someone so sturdy. All he can do is stare. There is a furrow of pain in the other's eyes, something Ben has never seen before. Oh, how it must hurt to watch someone you care about self destruct because isn't that what Ben is asking for? To have Rook sit back and watch as his partner unravels.

  
"... I can't, Blonko."

  
_I can't lose you, too._

  
And before Rook can respond to the use of his chosen name, there's a flash of green and the arm he's holding is vastly different than the human limb. He's desperate to hold on. How it reads in his expression hurts, cleaves Ben open to his core to the point that he has to look away and without another word --- he speeds off leaving Rook in a proverbial cloud of dust and heartache that can't be brought to proper life with words alone.

  
For long, long moments, all Rook can do is stand there before a force inside of him pulls him into his truck and to the phone Ben had convinced him to get use to using. He never thought that he would be using it in a time like this, his own chest aching with what he had just seen in the human's expression. There is no thinking about it, he calls the only person he knows who might be able to get through to Ben with him.

  
Gwen.

  
And while he's at it, he looks up what he has noticed Ben has been going through. What he finds --- if he were to put it into human words, he would be certain that he almost heard the cracking of his own heart alongside his increased worry. Who could Ben be suffering this much for? Irrational anger spears through him at whoever this character may be, wanting to do anything that might be needed to end Ben's suffering.

  
The impulse is nothing new, it is not a revelation. Or, at least, it should not be. And it's not... Until he realizes that he hurts at the thought of Ben with whoever this person is.

  
Not even realizing that while Ben is miles away, every flower pulled from his lungs was grown for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing is really getting away from me, but I hope everyone is at least enjoying it so far? Please let me what you think! It definitely helps my motivation.


	3. Flowers for Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling, falling, he's falling and he doesn't know where the ground is. All he knows is that it's going to hurt when he hits it. There's no safety net here; all that he can find is the hope that maybe, just maybe, he'll be caught. He doubts it, though.

Gwen hadn't been expecting to get a call from Rook, but something had been telling her that there was something off. There was a pit in her stomach that had been pushing her to the point that she had been prepared to call Ben the moment she had gotten class. If she had even made it that long. Her skin and bones had been pulling at her to leave so she could contact him and now she knows why. The concern cracks through her resolve to resonate into her tone as it carries across the line, brows knitting together.

"He's spitting up flowers? ... I didn't think this was going to happen again so soon..."

But maybe she should have suspected, Ben's always been someone who cares with his full being. When he fell in love, it was with everything and there was hardly anything held back even if he tried. That's how he goes into everything, throwing every last piece of himself into all that he did. She's pretty sure that's one of the things that has helped keep him alive up until this point, even as it's also almost gotten him killed.

A double-edged sword.

"This has happened before? Why was I not informed?"

"Relax, it's something that just happens to humans and it's usually not that bad."

"Usually does not typically apply to Ben Tennyson."

"You don't have to tell me that."

Ben always seems to be the exception to every rule in the universe. That's something Gwen learned along ago when they were just kid's. She's pretty sure that Rook's also figured it out, anyone could if they were around the teen long enough and just saw what happened. Maybe that was why the universe liked to throw things in his direction so often, attempting to balance it all out in one way or another. She's not really sure. All she knows is that she needs to grab Kevin and get over there.

"Look, you start working on figuring out where Ben ran off to and Kevin and I will get there as soon as we can. If we know Ben, he's probably found himself somewhere he can just be alone for awhile. And Rook..?"

"Yes?"

"Ben might be impulsive, but we both know he's never done something without some reasoning behind it. And... the last thing he needs right now is to be alone."

* * *

 

The world is a blur around him as he pushes his speed faster and faster. He weaves through traffic and people with no hesitation. Every motion is well practiced and precise from years of familiarity. Every alien that he turns into has become his own just as much so as his own human body, a natural pull into their nature and as well versed in every aspect of them just as he might know his own breathing. It's the kind of feeling that helps to settle his frayed nerves.

There's a straining beneath the surface of his skin as he pushes himself to move faster, faster, completely blind to where he's even going until he comes to a skidding halt over some grass. At the same moment, Ben can hear the ticking of the omnitrix before he's sent flying over the ground in a heap as he de-transforms. Pain skitters up along his spine and rolls inside his stomach as he spits out more petals.

It's always harder to stay in form when he's a complete wreck which is exactly what he feels like.

With thoughts battling out a war inside his skull and vines restricting his breathing, he flops over onto his back just to stare up at the sky. There isn't a single cloud in sight just as it's been all day and he can't help laughing at himself bitterly. His chest and throat sting.

"Isn't this suppose to be the part where the dramatic clouds roll in and it starts raining down on me? Make it where I can't see shit and if I cry it's just the rain. All that poetic stuff?"

But of course it doesn't because the universe hates him. He's almost certain of that much at this point. After all, it threw all of this at him. It slammed the omnitrix on his wrist, threw him into the hell of being a hero and giving everything he could for everyone else. It's also because of it that he knows what he could have turned into.

He hasn't forgotten the 'bad' versions of himself. He never will. They're all what could have happened. What he could have become.

A choked noise falls from him and his cheeks suddenly feel warm, but he's ignoring it. Maybe he can just pretend that it's rain even without a single cloud in the sky above him. Ben's not sure that it'll work, but here's to trying it, right? He is suppose to be the hero. He can't break and if Vilgax never managed to tear these reactions from him --- this should be a piece of cake.

It's not, though. It's actually so much worse somehow.

The thoughts are closing in on what is ahead of him, what fate awaits him if he continues down this road as his phone goes off in the grass just a few feet from him. Must have fallen out when he went crashing into the ground. Honestly, he doesn't want to answer. The only reason that he does is that he recognizes the ringtone as Gwen's and knows that if he doesn't, well, she'll just track him down anyway.

Scrambling around, he manages to dry his cheeks and clear his throat just enough to answer the phone. Before he can get so much as a word out, Gwen is already speaking.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Most would expect that to come out as a command, but it doesn't. The words fall from the phone in Ben's hands so softly, as though their owner is afraid he might break. Maybe he already is at this point. How long has he gone now hiding this? What lengths has he gone to? Sleep, food, stress levels, physical strength, and more have all been sacrificed for this and Ben is still going. He hasn't admitted defeat yet because it doesn't feel like a choice. He doesn't want it to be a choice.

"Because I can't risk forgetting this time, I just can't."

There's so much to be said right there in that statement alone because he doesn't want to lie to his cousin. Gwen has always been there for him and the one person he could trust with anything. If anyone was going to understand what he meant, it would be her. That didn't mean she wouldn't disagree, but at least it was something. Ben has already lied to her once and he still holds that secret close to his chest and he doesn't know if he would be able to withhold this, too. He's long since been tired of secrets since he was a child and everything he did had to be kept under wraps even from his parents.

".... Who is it? ---- It's Rook, isn't it?"

Ben's breath hitches in how he wants to avoid the question, to run as far away from this as he can possibly manage, but he's frozen. The ice creeps into his blood from beneath too-hot skin with dread settling hard and cold inside his stomach. Gwen has already seen it and he wonders how often she's caught his eyes drawn to the revonnahgander, smile brightening to something far too fond.

".... Yeah..."

"..... I won't tell him, but you need to, Ben. You need to do something if you won't get the flowers removed."

"I know, but... how do I do that without ruining things? I suck at relationships."

"Not really, you just have really bad luck. You put everyone else before yourself, Ben, even if a lot people don't notice it... this time, put yourself first and tell him. Okay?"

Sometimes he can't help hating how well Gwen has learned to read him throughout the years. All the same, he's thankful for it all in the very same breath. Had it not been for her, he thinks that he may have crumbled beneath the weight he's put on his own shoulders a long time ago.

"I'll try."

Ben can hear the sigh she lets out at that reply, knows she wanted some kind of promise, but the hero can't give it to her.

"I guess that's all I can't really ask for, but I'm serious, Ben. If you don't tell him, I will because I can't just let you go on like this."

Before he can even get another word in, he hears the call of his name and he knows that he's been found. It would be stupid to think that he never would be, but couldn't it have waited another hour or so? Couldn't he have been given just a bit more time? A bit more breathing room so that he knew what words to speak. As it stood, his mind drew a blank as he caught sight of Rook only so many strides away. Gwen was right, his luck was downright shit because of course things would have to be started before he was ready. On some far off, bitter thought, he wonders if his luck with work with him this time and the ground will open up to swallow him whole.

He doubts it, though.

And of course, it doesn't.

"I have to go. Rook found me."

"Kevin and I are on our way, too. And Ben... You need to tell him."

"I know.. I just don't know how."

Gwen doesn't get a chance to say anything else as Ben hangs up his phone and Rook is getting ever closer. He can't even fully imagine what he must look like with eyes tinted red and tired, shoulders drooped, hair a mess with bits of grass tangled in and dirt stains across his pants and hands from his stumble. Really, he must look pathetic. Rather than anything of the hero he has strove so hard to portray for those around him.

"You found me pretty fast."

He can hardly even keep his voice as steady as he'd like.

"I followed your unique DNA signature and Gwen's advice."

"Ooof course you did. How lucky for me."

The sarcasm was coated all over those words. All the same, he remains laid out on the grass and doesn't bother getting up. Instead, he just gestures for Rook to take a seat. At the very least, nobody can say he can't take things in stride. He doesn't want to sit there and he has the itching urge to get up and run again as far and fast as he can, but he knows that Rook will only follow because isn't that what he always does? The other always has his back and follows after him quickly and swiftly, even catching his arm to keep him from falling.

Ben just isn't sure that he can catch his this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long! I caught a bit of a cold after finishing a chapter for my other fic and then it just sapped all of my energy and creativity. Then there was a lot of real life things and the holidays which just threw me completely out of rhythm with what I started with for this chapter. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it and let me know what you think so far and I'll try to get around to responding to more comments and questions once I get a chance.


	4. Catching Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's odd to be caught in free-fall when you don't know what to expect when you hit the bottom. Maybe a net, maybe water, maybe unforgiving ground. He's hoping for a set of familiar arms and welcoming eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, this isn't dead! Here's what's likely to be the final chapter of what was originally only suppose to be a short drabble. Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think.

The words are stuck in his throat like a fresh batch of flower before Rook even has a chance to say anything else because Ben knows where this has to go and the end that is barreling straight toward him. There's no escape this time. He can't run anymore because there's only so much ground that he could cover and he knows all too well by this point that it would only be temporary. Rook would just run after him like he always does, following after the roads that he blazes through. Ben has grown so used to the presence of the revonnahganger at his side that it's hard to see it any other way. Besides, the brunet knows his partner too well by now.

If only he knew enough to know what his answer would be.

"I'm going to guess Gwen told you at least some about the flowers."

It was the only thing that made sense, otherwise he's pretty sure that Rook would have more questions than simply looking at him as he leans back into the grass and still doesn't get up. All he can read for certain is the concern in the other's gaze.

"Yes, it is an illness that causes the victim to expell flowers when they are in love with another person who does not love them back. If the feelings persist and treatment is not given then the victim can die... Ben, why haven't you sought treatment?"

Ben doesn't catch the contraction at first, instead stuck within his own thoughts before it hits him in the chest hard enough to knock his green gaze to the partner he's grown so attached to. Following along the lines of the markings over his fur, the hero can read the stress and concern there. After being around him for so long, Ben knows how to read Rook's face even with the fur in the way -- but there's still a jumble of emotion there that he can't quite make out, it's new and all he can tell for certain is that it's an over all unhappiness that makes his heartache.

And he's the one that put that expression there with how selfish he's being. The least he can do now is let the truth out even as the words tangle around his tongue as if they themselves won't dare be spoken. It won't stop him.

"Because I've had it before and I know how much I'll lose and I can't lose this, Rook, I ----"

He's cut off by a cough, flowers caught in his throat and forcing him to roll over and hack into the grass and dirt. It feels like the flowers knew, knew that he wanted to spill his guts to the alien they were growing for and decided it was the perfect time to present themselves, thorns and all.

It's hard to be surprised by the sight of his own blood staining the grass when he's use to it by now, but Rook isn't as he rushes over in concern and helps Ben to his feet and doesn't let him go as he teeters. The longer this goes on, the less strength the hero has.

When the wrinkled petals are left to lay on the ground stained with his own blood, Ben finds himself falling back into his partner's arms. His own skin is more feverish than usual, highlighted by Rook's own body heat, but he doesn't mind. Being this close is nice despite the context of the situation as he tries to catch his breath between the sour tang of flowers on his tongue and works to make out the expression on the alien's face before he's speaking.

"Ben... who are these flowers for? Who would you suffer so much for?"

The responding silence hangs in the air heavily, as if it can stiffle both of their breaths and Ben's racing thoughts. He can feel his throat throb around the words, roots strangling him and he starts heaving all over again. Rook is already there to help him, rubbing his back until another flower plops wetly into his own open hands. It looks so innocent among all of this before Ben gives his answer in way of handing the flower to the Revonnahgander and giving him a broken smile.

There's too much energy needed to try and appear strong in this moment, aware that he probably looks pathetic to his partner that pauses before looking between him and the flower. As if he could ask the question of whether or not Ben meant it.

Ben can only nod and watch as Rook takes a breath, wind catching in his chest to try and process that who he had once been angry at was himself.

He feels like a fool, like he should have seen the signs that Ben's flowers were meant for him, but it's nowhere near the fear that Ben has revolting inside his chest between the lessened weight of flowers as Rook realizes that he's been more of a fool than he could have ever thought.

"I care for you, too, Ben."

As though to prove his point, Rook leans forward to press against Ben's lips. There's the shared taste of earth between them, but it doesn't slow how they draw themselves closer to one another and Ben almost feels like the flowers are blooming into thin air as weight lifts from his chest and another flower catches in his throat.

It's the only thing that has him turning to cough it into the grass, pausing at Rook's gaze.

"They.. take time to clear up if... you mean that. I don't want to get them removed. Especially not now."

Rook looks hesitant, but he pulls Ben further into his arms and rests his head against the hero's as if to treasure the closeness now that the awareness of his feelings as knocked his thoughts around enough to become so blaringly obvious --- he doesn't know how he didn't see it before.

"I will still be keeping a close eye on you to make sure."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Guess he got caught in the end. Just as he's always been with Rook right behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They both need to call Gwen and Kevin now.
> 
> I know this took me forever to get to and I'm really sorry about that. Long story short, my life hasn't been treating me that great and right now I'm living with a friend while I can looking for a place to stay. I finished this to try and de-stress as the beginning has been sitting on my computer for a long time and I really wanted to finish it. Anyway, I hope you liked it and let me know what you think. I'm hoping to write more things as I get time and things figured out.


End file.
